Who Am I?
By Anna Dargitz,PhD


I started on this journey, my training safe in hand
Inspired with a purpose to mentor fellow man.
A motivated starlit, all dressed to fit the part,
Walking in so naively, all head and little heart.

After the very first days, some thing wasn't right.
What was wrong? I couldn't tell. Inside there was a fight.
As months went by, transformed was I, my lightness turned to lead.
While trying harder to fix things, I lived my life in dread.

A battle raged within me as I faced my hurting soul.
Images of parts of me were fighting to be known.
I listened here, I listened there, I wanted most to see,
Who was saying what and why? And WHO was really me?

"The Captive" and "Eternal Girl" were loudest in the fray,
They felt like victims- helpless, hurt. They bickered every day..
The "Protector" in me was deflated, stuck in guilt and pride,
"The Critic" came on strong and hard. Oh…She didn't like to lie.

Then came the "Money Lender", who tried to make a deal.
She offered me denial, to blame - not see what's real.
"Denial will free you from self-doubt, for a small fee that I set"
She leered at me behind a smile, and spoke about this debt.

She'd eliminate confusion, yea, but true feelings would be gone.
I'd live life in deception, and later pay for what's wrong.
I wouldn't be here healthy and whole, I honestly must say,
Had I agreed to such a price for which my soul would pay.

I took my leave and wandered on, t'was a dark night of the soul,
A spiraling dissension brought on memories of old.
There was dad and mother too and the ways I used to act.
And suddenly, a darkness came as chills ran up my back.

A fire burst around my head, the fire of defeat.
And images of shadow parts were flashed in front of me.
I feared to see the meaner parts, the unrefined and low,
The parts I saw in others but would never dare to own.

When half of me was all engulfed, my old beliefs in shreds,
I thought that I was at the end of suffering and dread.
But higher came the fire still, burning all of me.
Overwhelmed and frightened, I met "Humility".

"Humility" and "Intuitive" I sensed them hand in hand,
They spoke to me in unity about another land.
Within me, at a deeper place, was something there to find,
A Universal Spirit of Love, a strength of a different kind.

In the meditation of silence, I entered its' domain,
And felt this Center in my heart, simple and quite plain.
It saw life free of human laws, unlimited, and without angst,
It poured compassion to every part and peace throughout the ranks.

The "Captive" and "Eternal Girl" were completely understood,
Even that old "Critic" with its' dark side was unhooded.
All of me is valued now, I can see the perfect fit.
I paid a price to find my Self -what I found was, these parts aren't "It".

Discovering who we are, it seems, is about knowing Greater truths,
Tuning into humility, and questioning the rules.
So, all this happiness, love and peace… is not personality bound,
It's the outgrowth of a True Self, whose Spirit has been found.

My life continues on its way. Conflicts arise and unfold,
That ego still erupts at times, with challenges untold.
But now I know the Greater I, Who transcends those personal fears. 
And my purpose as a mentor has matured from all those tears. 

Pacifica Graduate Institute
Santa Barbara, Ca. 
Co. 1992